Implied Lover
by Mystic Mizu
Summary: No wars, no melefs- just a simple love story between two unspoken love.
1. Prologue

**WARNING: **This fic contains lots of fluffs, a lot of sweetness and oh so never ending drama, and might have some graphic lemons in the future, but T is still the appropriate rate for it.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Escaflowne, but i do own this fic

* * *

**Prologue:  
Implied Lover**

It was a perfect summer morning. The clear blue sky indicates a rain free day ahead. She grabbed a book and sat underneath the willow tree. The girl with the sandy brown hair under the shade of the tree was a vision. Her dark red robe complements her emerald eyes.

She sat there, eyes focused on the book on her hands. Little did she know that a pair of dark brown eyes has been watching her since she walked out of her cabin. Not far from her, he quietly waited for the right moment to attack. He eyed his target like a lioness hunting her prey. Three, two, one—

Bang! How she quickly closed the book on her hand and used it to hit him on the face was a complete mystery to him.

"Royalties aren't supposed to hit—especially a lady." He said while rubbing his pained nose.

"Princes aren't supposed to pounce on a lady—especially if he's not good at it." She once again opened her book and started reading.

"What are you talking about? I am an excellent warrior. You didn't even know I was behind you." He fixed himself and sat beside her.

"Please you're louder than a cricket trying to attract a mate." She said not even glancing at his direction.

"You will make a great sword master, only if you know how to be one."

"I do know how to be one—maybe better than you do. And I did it without getting calluses on my hands." She said smugly and eyes still fixated on her book.

A little annoyed that she hasn't looked at him since he attacked her, he snatched her book from her hands. When she tried to get it, he stretched his hand away from her. "C'mon Hitomi, I didn't see you all morning."

"You barged in my room this morning and pulled my blanket. I was in my night gown, you jerk". She tried to get her book again but all she caught was air. She landed her hand on Van's side.

"Is that why you're mad at me? I saw you more naked than that." He said while smiling teasingly at her, their faces about three inches away from each other.

"I am not four Van." She stood up about to walk away, but he grabbed her wrist and pulled her down. She fell on the ground between his legs. He wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face on her back.

"And you are no longer six—you can't get me to forgive you like this."

He said nothing. She felt him lay his cheek on her back. Though she said it, she knows that his method of apologizing can melt her cold exterior towards him. It was comfortable to be held by him, feeling secure in his strong arms and broad chest.

She sighed and he knew right then, he was forgiven. They've been friends ever since she was a kid. Their fathers know each other very well. She was a daughter of a general who unfortunately died in a war. Her mother withered away due to the depression of her father's sudden death. The Fanels gladly took her in, educated her, and soon became the governess of the palace. She is currently the private governess of the King Folken's son.

It has been twenty years since she moved in the Palace. They've been friends, siblings and lovers sometimes, though it's more on the emotional aspect, they've never even kissed. For them, holding each other like this was perfectly normal—as long as they don't go as far as kissing.

"And you kids wonder why people think that you two are secret lovers." They both looked astern, surprised at the presence of their king.

He gently released his hold and helped her stand up. "You two are definitely brothers, quietly sneaking into somebody's privacy." She said with a smile.

They both know that their relationship is merely a friendship. The thought of being more than friends has definitely crossed their minds. But both decided not to pursue it due to the fear of ruining such a perfect friendship.

Van's brother smiled back at Hitomi. She bowed to him and left them alone. Van watched her walk away. He noticed that she left her book. He picked it up and thought of returning the book later.

"Van, you do know that it doesn't matter if the prince of Fanelia marries a governess." The statement took him by surprise. He looked at his brother astonished. "Our father broke the tradition of marrying only royalties. He married a draconian for god's sake. And you don't have the responsibility of the throne. You can marry anyone you like." His brother looked at him with great concern but Van merely chuckled at his statement.

"Hitomi? I was just trying to woo her because I angered her this morning." He once again looked at her walking away. "She is the perfect bride for me, but I am not the perfect man for her."

He was about to walk away when his brother's remark stopped him "Oh by the way, the bastard is coming back."

* * *

**AN: **Well this is what I've been working on for the past week. So Van and Hitomi here are let's say, around 20 to 23 years old, and Van is a year older than Hitomi. So what do you think of the first chapter? Let me know! :)

_Posted by  
**Mystic Mizu  
**_May 12, 2012 11:01 pm


	2. The Prince and the Knight

**Chapter II  
The Prince Charming and The Knight in Shining** Armor  
**_  
_**_Mystic Mizu_

**"**_Some boys don't know how to love"  
Some Boys by Death Cab for Cutie_

How she managed to stay friends with Van with this conflicted feelings has been a mystery to her. She wanted to distance herself, but it's difficult to do so without him noticing it. Being friends with Van Fanel may seem so hard for others, but for her, it's effortless. At first it was hard for her to trust him, for he is so quiet and serious.

She can still remember the day they officially declared their friendship, she was only seven. It was a rainy day when she saw a little squirrel and followed it into the woods. After sometime, she realized that she went too deep in the forest that she lost her way. She thought that a dragon was hiding behind the bushes waiting to attack her. Then she saw the dark hair boy emerge out of the scrubs. He had a wooden stick tied on his belt like a sword. It began to drizzle and the sun was setting. It was getting darker. Disheartened, she looked around trying to figure out where she came from. But the boy remained calmed. Without saying anything, he held out his hand, as if asking her to trust him that he can take her home. She didn't doubt him. She took his hand and he took out his wooden stick, holding it out ready to defend against any attack- be it a dragon, or a squirrel.

She can still feel the warmth of his hand, the tight reassuring grip that says everything will be okay. She knew Van will not let anything happen to her. Though the walk back was long, and she was sure that he had no idea where they were going, he didn't give up. That's how Van has been to her. Never knowing where to go, how things will turn up, but made sure that she's not hurt.

In a way she considered herself the sister of the two brothers. They are fond of her, both protective and kind. She remembered the day that they cursed the arrival of Allen Schezar of Asturia, knight of Caeli. The knight took great interest in their young sister and won her affection. That was the first time she loved a man who is not a Fanel. He promised to stay in Fanelia for her, and he did, for quite a while. He said that Asturia needed him and as a knight, it was his duty to help his country. He left.

"Scumbag." Van would always say when Allen's name comes up in conversation. "I don't understand why you let yourself be infatuated with a fake gentleman."

But he was no fake gentleman. He was a real knight, the perfect gentleman—a dreamer, in fact.

"Men like him, should just go crawling back to their rat holes and rot." Clearly Van took the break up harder than Hitomi did. But that was his nature. He hated seeing her depressed and down. So she learned to mask her pain with smiles and laughs.

That was the only time Hitomi let an outsider in her life. Allen was her first but hopefully not her last love. Van on the other hand, enjoys his youth with different lovers. Good looking that he is, he didn't need to approach the ladies. They will gladly throw themselves at him with one glance.

She noticed that he gives a woman a second or two of smoldering look, and like a moth to a fire, she falls into the trap.

She has seen this move a hundred times. It works to the gullible ones. You can see in their blank stares that they are. Womanizer. She thought of him. How he manages to cover the tracks of his affairs are beyond her.

By the time she reached the back door of the palace, she was welcomed by king Folken's son, Gyle, which means it's time for his lessons. When he handed her the book for today's lesson, she remembered that she forgot her book under the tree. She hoped that Van will return it to her. They proceeded in the living area to study. Today was about the previous kings of Fanelia.

Hitomi was sitting on an arm chair while Gyle stood in front of her. As Gyle finished reciting the names, accomplishments and cause of death of each king, they heard clapping from behind. They both looked back and saw Van leaning against the door frame, smiling though lips are not parted.

"Like his father, smart. I hope wisdom will soon come." He walked towards Hitomi, stood beside her, and rested his hand on the arm chair nearly touching her arm.

"Wisdom can be attained through books. But nothing compares with wisdom obtained through experience." He was amused on how demure and wise she looks whenever she teaches. He realized how Hitomi fits to be a queen.

"Besides, you honestly don't expect much wisdom from a ten year old." Gyle merely smiled at her tutor's remark but answered

"Not at all true! This I can give you my dear uncle and teacher: if you do not seize every moment to attain what you want, you will forever wonder 'what if'."

She wondered, are they so perfectly matched for each other, that even this kid thinks that they are both fools for letting time pass by for them. They looked at each other—then as soon as Gyle noticed that his tutor was distracted, he ran out of the room.

Hitomi looked at him as he run out of the room, mouth half-opened. She chuckled "so that's the moment he was waiting for." She stood up and fixed the books the child left.

"You distracted my student, two wrongs in a day, and it's not even sundown yet. How are you gonna make up for this?" she looked back smiling at him. A sign of forgiveness. She again looked back when she realized his stoic face.

"Are you alright?" she asked. He didn't say anything. He merely shook his head then looked at her smiling.

"Fine, great actually." He showed her the book that she left. She walked towards him and claimed it.

"Another fairy tale book?" he said.

"Hmm, I didn't know you could read." He merely laughed at her statement. He doesn't want to upset her again. She sat down. He settled himself on the chair in front of her.

"Don't you think you had enough of this knight in shining armor crap?" he eyed her as she settled herself on a chair facing him.

"Oh, and I should settle on Prince Charming instead?"

"I'm not saying I'm a Prince Charming."

"Wasn't referring to you" she said smugly. "There's no harm in reading about them." She placed the books on the shelves.

"Yeah, but you might end up believing in _him_ again." She looked back, and gave him a warning look. She tried to ignore his comment but he won't drop the issue.

"What? It's true, right? You didn't even deny it." his voice started to rise. She looked back, confused.

"What are getting mad about?" he simply held out a rolled up parchment with a broken seal of Asturia.

She stood up, took it, went through it for a few second and looked up. Her expression was impassive. He was expecting for the worse, but surprisingly, she simply laughed and threw the letter back at him.

"You are out of your mind if you think that this will affect me whatsoever."

"Why can't you say that he doesn't mean anything to you?"

"Why do you keep pressing on this?"

"Well why can't you say it?" he said emphasizing on each word.

She merely looked at him, still expressionless while his face flustered in anger.

Finally, she said it in a neutral tone with an expressionless face "He doesn't mean anything to me."

"I'm not convinced."

"I don't need to convince you."

"Look, I'm just trying to keep you away from that jerk."

"He's nothing compared to the parade of tramps you bring home every week." They stared down at each other and as usual, Van was the first to look away.

"I'm not fifteen anymore." She said with a gentler voice. She walked a few steps towards him. "You don't need to look after me."

He smiled at her. "Just because you grew up doesn't mean I should stop looking out for you."

He cupped her face for a second and left.

When was the last time Van had made her heart race? She held her cheek where his hand was, still feeling the warmth it left.

'_Oh gods, I thought we're done with that' _she thought scolding herself in her mind.

'_Such a flirt. Such a tease.' _She gripped the book tighter on her hand as she tried to suppress the memories she wish she could knock off of her head.

'_That look in his eyes, that unwelcoming atmosphere, what a—what the hell? Why am I thinking about this?' _

She grabbed the nearest throw pillow and screamed into it. She fell into the chair as she tried to calm herself. She looked at the book in her hands. She threw it hard on the chair facing hers, hoping that the memories and frustrations went along with it.

'_He is far from a Prince Charming.' _She thought.

* * *

**AN: **I imagine a five year old Van, acting heroic with his wooden sword, in front of a helpless girl, incredibly cute.

To **origami zombie, Inda, and C.A. Penny **thank you for the reviews, they're very encouraging. And for those who subscribed, thank you!

**NEXT CHAPTER: Attraction **

_Posted by  
__**Mystic Mizu  
**May 17, 2012 6:41 am_


	3. Attraction

**AN: **This is a flashback chapter. Enjoy! Read and review please!

"_You are the light  
that's leading me  
to a place where I find peace again—  
And how can I stand here with you  
and not be moved by you?  
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?" _

_Everything by Lifehouse_

**Chapter III**

**Attraction  
**

There are some incidents in a lifetime that a person just want go back just to, to stop herself from doing it. In her twenty four years of living, Hitomi have only one god forsaken moment. No, it was not the moment she let herself be fooled by Allen Schezar, it was not the time she tried to convince him not to go back to Asturia. It happened four years ago, with Van Slanzar de Fanel. Unfortunately, alcohol was not involved.

Autumn. Her sanity depreciates like the how the leaves on the trees slowly wither away from their branches. But like the beauty of the different shades of these dead leaves, she hides them behind her smile. Everyone believes it, except for one.

"Cry."

"No."

"Scream."

"No."

"Slap me?"

"No."

"Okay, punch me, but only on the stomach. Don't want you denting my nose." He held out his hands on his sides, his muscular torso facing her, waiting for the fist to hit it.

She looked at him, jokingly thought about it for a second then walked pass him. "Van, leave me alone. I'm fine."

Hitomi could not be happier that this day is ending and she'll finally have some time alone in her cabin. As usual Van walks her which is only a few paces away from the palace. The way from the palace to her cabin is like a forest path. Trees from both sides of the small path tower over it and their branches meet, giving only patches of view of the starry sky.

He's been like this for days after Allen left Fanelia. It was a night of tears for her, and probably a lifetime of spite for Van. He's been trying to get her to cry and throw her anger since she's been nothing but—well, her usual self. But for Van, how she has been acting was not normal.

"Are you insane, woman? I'm not gonna let you starve yourself to death over some pretend knight."

"I just don't feel like eating dinner, Van. And will you stop monitoring my every action? Don't you have better things to do? Like, learning how to be a good prince like your brother?"

"I am not watching your every move."

"Please! You're like a hawk eyeing his prey, always circling me. You freak out about the littlest things, like when I was late with my lecture with Gyle this morning. What did you think? I hung myself? Oh what a romantic yet tragic end." She said sarcastically.

"I always come to your cabin." He said defensively.

"Then why were you pale, sweaty and panting?" She stopped walking and waited for him to answer. He opened his mouth in attempt to answer, but no words came. He smiled and admitted defeat.

Satisfied with her victory she started to walk again. Her cabin was in sight. It was a beautiful small cabin where the memory of her parents haunts every corner, every floorboard, and every room of it. The porch is where she and her mother used to wait for the arrival of her father. The garden was her mother's canvas, and she painted it with wild flowers. Some of them crawled up to their walls and bloomed. That's why they painted the house white, to bring out the color of the flora. The hearth of the fireplace is where his father will allow her to sit on his lap and tell her stories about the great heroes of Fanelia. She could see these memories every single day. After all, five years was not enough to heal the pain of the memories of the dead.

"Fine, but, in my defense, I didn't think you killed yourself. I thought you were crying, and in need of someone to talk to." They stepped into the porch, but before she opened the door, she turned and faced him.

"Why didn't you think I committed suicide?"She asked. Van chuckled, took a few steps and leaned his forehead against hers.

"Because you too much of a coward." He whispered.

"Jerk." He slapped his stomach with the back of her hand and left him in the porch, half laughing and half chocking. But before she could close the door Van stopped it with his hand and called her name.

"I really am worried about you." And she saw the genuineness of his words in his eyes.

For a second, she thought of how nice it would be to be vulnerable in his arms. How comforting it would be to hide her tears in his shoulders. She sure does miss the way Van comforts her when she cries. The last time she allowed herself cry in front of him was after her parents' burial. He stayed with her the whole night and let her sleep on his lap.

But crying over a man seemed ridiculous. So she held back, and smiled as genuinely as she can and said "I'll be fine." His response clearly state that he did not believe her. She knew that no matter how good she is in fooling other people, she can never fool Van.

It felt like somebody turned off the cold autumn breeze. She was suddenly locked in his strong arms. Her face buried in his chest. She could hear his heartbeat. He was calm, unlike her.

But she can't feel any tears coming. She can't feel the pain building up waiting to be released. In fact, she felt, comfortable, unusually comfortable.

She liked it. More than she liked Allen's hold. She wishes him to hold her longer, tighter, then maybe, maybe—

She gently pushed him, not seeming suspicious.

"I'm fine Van, thanks. It's getting late. You better get going." Knowing that he is already dismissed, and probably momentarily unwelcomed, he kissed her good night on her forehead.

"You're warm. Are you sick?" he said worriedly. It was a good thing that the house was dark. She hid her flushed face in the shadows.

"I'm fine. Tired maybe. I need to get to bed." She said, feeling a little panicked.

" Do you want me to stay? Or bring you anything?"

'_Gods, no please.'_

"I'm fine, please, Van, I want to rest already." He gave her one last concerned look and left.

"Holy crap of a birdman." She said under her breath as she rest her head on the closed door.

* * *

Two months and three weeks. That's how long she has been having this internal war, the battle between emotion and rationality. It was hard to look at him for the first few days after that night. But she could not avoid him, because life just loves seeing her suffer—or perhaps Van just won't let a day pass without seeing her. Finally, she was parted from him for two weeks. Van went to Egzardia with his highness, Varie and Goau for an important ally summit.

She sat under her favorite tree in the garden. It was her sanctuary. It made sense, somehow, she thought. She feels this way because Van is familiar, so it's normal to want him—she argued to her emotion. But three words from her emotions can defeat any rebuttal from her rationality.

"I love Van."

She massaged her temple with her index and middle finger. She can just feel her rationality getting beaten up by her emotion, slowly getting knocked out. Thank heavens that he was not there, she might have done something stupid, like _confess. _

'_Confess?'_ she gripped her head with both hands, and curled up in the garden.

"Gyle and I often think—" she looked up startled and saw King Folken looking down at her, smiling, with a little hilarity written on his lips. "—how lady Hitomi Kanzaki think since the words that come out of her mouth are absolute brilliant. I now know your secret." He chuckled and sat beside her.

She stood up and smoothed her dress. She ran her fingers through her hair checking if there are any leaves got stuck in it.

"Must be one heck of a problem you have. You seem to—struggle." She looked at the light blue haired king. Folken looks so much gentler, more refined than Van. Though she knows that Folken is a wise king, who can give great advises, asking how to confess your feelings to his brother seems absurd.

"It's—nothing." She tried to laugh, but it could not sound more forced.

"It's Van, isn't it?"

Busted. Like Van, nothing could get pass Folken. Still, she tried to hide the truth from him.

"Yes, I am trying to figure out how to stop him from trying to cheer me up."

"You're not a very good liar Hitomi." She sighed in defeat. "I see the way you look at him. Must be hard to fall in love with your best friend."

_Friend. _She thought. It struck her in the heart like a lightning bolt. That what she is to him, a friend, a sister _'Ugh! A sister' _and an occasional amusement.

"Maybe what you need to do is to tell him. So he too, will finally realize what he really feels for you."

She looked at him in bewilderment. "You think he feels the same way about me?"

"He just doesn't know it yet."

"Well that's convenient. I can't believe I'm taking the first step here."

"Someone's got to do it. Believe me, knowing Van, he will not do anything."

"And why is that?"

"Because my brother is an idiot." She chuckled.

"Your Highness" Both of them looked astern when they heard the palace guard call Folken. He held out his hand in acknowledgment of the guard and stood up.

"King Goau, Queen Varie and Prince Van have arrived."

He held out his hand to Hitomi and softly said "Well here's your chance Hitomi."

As she walked towards the front door of the palace to welcome the royal family, she thought of different ways to admit to Van how she feel. She thought of possible scenarios, possible reactions, and possible answers. The sunlight slowly streamed into the room as the door opens.

_It doesn't matter_, she thought. _For now, it doesn't matter. It can wait. I just want to be with him. _

But it can't wait. Her smile slowly faded as her eyes set upon a woman holding Van's arm as they walk inside the palace.

* * *

**AN: **Dun dun duuuun! Well there you go. The next chapter is the continuation of this flash back entitle **An Unexpected Confession**

**Karmy 014 C.A. Penny Inda, and those who subscribed **thanks for the reviews and alerts

**orgami zombie- **Yes, Allen is the bastard, yes, it will take some time before these two lovebirds get together, and yes, I like it too when Van is jealous! Especially when he gives that I-don't-give-a-damn defensive act.

Read and Review please! Constructive criticisms are welcomed.

_Posted by  
_**Mystic Mizu  
**May 18, 2012, 12:08 pm


	4. Unexpected Confession

**Chapter IV  
Unexpected Confession**

"_Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt  
every little bump in the road I tried to swerve  
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out  
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out"  
Breathe by Taylor Swift_

Long raven hair, blue eyes and fair complexion. Pink lips, great physique and long legs, the complete opposite of Hitomi.

_ 'Hate her already.' _She thought. She can see the king anxiously stealing glances at her. She manages to look impassive as the royal family approaches. As they stopped in front of them, Folken approached his father and gave him a short hug, then to her mother and his brother.

She remained where she stands and said "Welcome back" as she bowed to them.

"It's good to be back." Queen Varie said as she walked towards her and gave her a quick hug. She noticed that the woman clinging on to Van's arm was gazing at her, quite confused as the queen approached her first. She thought that the scene might have amused her, the queen of the palace hugging the governess.

"This is Hitomi Kanzaki, the governess of this palace, but we consider her as one of our children." King Goau stood beside Hitomi and laid his hand on her shoulder.

"Hitomi, this is Mari Beatriz Egzardos, second princess of Egzardia, and future wife of Van."

It felt like someone froze the time. Clearly Mari was with Van but she didn't expect it to be forever. She can hear her fast heartbeat. Still, despite of the shocking news she had received, she managed to control her reaction and remain pokerfaced. Van was looking at her too. His face was unreadable. They merely stared at each other for a few seconds, waiting, feeling the aura of each other. Was it joy? Anger? Jealousy? None of them can tell.

Finally, Hitomi broke the silence. "Congratulations, Van. And good luck to you, Princess Mari."

The princess raised her eyebrows. "How casual." Mari replied in amusement. She wasn't sure if it meant to insult her. Nonetheless, she didn't care.

Folken asked the thing she's been dreading to ask. "How did this happen?" not wanting to seem rude to the guest, he asked slightly laughing.

Van, who has been impassive and quiet since their arrival finally, spoke. "Well, it made sense. Our marriage will seal the alliance that Egzardia has been requesting Fanelia."

"But—" Folken was about to protest when Hitomi cut him off.

"Perhaps it will better to discuss this after they have settled in. I'm sure there's a—"

"It's unusual that a governess cuts of the King as he speaks. It seems—rude." Hitomi wasn't sure how to feel about that woman. Numerous of profanity and criticisms has been running in her mind. For example, how she seemed ignorant for she always seemed lost for words when she speaks.

Instead of giving her a good comeback comment, which she has always been good at, she thought it will not be a good idea to have a cat fight in front of Queen Varie and King Goau. But before she could apologize for her action, Van spoke.

"Expect more of that from her. She is part of this family after all. We consider her as the only princess of this kingdom." He said, face still expressionless. She can't understand him, can't read his mind. Can't read how he feels about the whole situation.

"But she's not of royal blood."

_'This woman does not know how to hold her tongue.' _

"Princess Mari please do not speak about her like that" said Folken with a hint of threat in his voice.

"It's okay, your Highness" she said. She was not used to acknowledging them formally. "Please, excuse my behavior." She said bowing to Folken.

"And excuse me, I have to prepare for Gyle's lecture." She bowed to the king and queen, and she bowed to Van and Mari.

She can feel Van's eyes fixated on her as she leaves the room. Her insides were boiling and shaking with anger and frustration. She have never felt so small in front of another person. What's more, she was insulted in front of the royal family—no, in front of her family.

As she walked down to the corridor, she heard someone call her name. She didn't need to look back to see who it was. She knew he'd come to her the first chance he'll get. She didn't stop and kept on walking.

"Wait!" Then she felt his calloused hand on her shoulder, slightly pulling her to stop and facing him. He looked different now that it's just the two of them. He looked nervous, panicked and tired. His hear was all over his face, covering his left eye. She restrained the urge to comb them back.

She was close to getting lost at his strong gaze at him when he brought her back to reality. "I'm sorry about her. She didn't know about _you_."

Her sanity was at its verge. He didn't mention her to Mari. Did he completely forget about her existence when he was spending time with that—that—witch?

"What is there to mention? I am just a governess in this palace." She freed herself from his grip and attempted to walk pass him. But he blocked her way. Well there's no escaping him, she thought. She just need to endure this conversation and try not to lose her temper, else she might say something she's not ready to say.

"Don't be like that, you know you're more than that to me." Surprised at his statement she looked up to him, hope filled inside her. "To us." He added.

Her impassive face turned into an expression of disappointment "I have to go."

The lecture that morning did not go as planned. She spaced out most of the time which gave Gyle an opportunity to run away. Normally, she'd run after him, but today, since she wasn't in the mood to win the attention of an eight year olds She just sat there and wait for the time to pass.

When the memory of what happened this morning played back in her mind, she stood up and left the room, trying not to think about it. There's only one place she can think of going to in times like this—her willow tree.

She was surprised to see Van there, sitting under the shade, in her usual spot. She decided to head home, but before she could take a step, Van saw her and smiled.

"I knew you'd come here." He said as he stood up and patted off some dirt on his behind. She stood there and watched him walk towards her.

'_You just don't know how to leave me alone.' _She smiled at the thought.

"Done with today's lesson? Can I have you for the rest of the day? I didn't see you for two weeks. And honestly, you've been distant even before I left." He pleaded. Hitomi took one deep breath and agreed to come with him.

"What do you have in mind?" she asked in a gentler tone.

Van smiled. "Well, I was thinking if you want to go in town or, we could take a horse ride in the forest."

"Hmm—do I want to be crowded by the town's people because I'm with the prince, or do I want to be a dragon's prey?"

They both thought about it for a while and decided "dragon's prey."

She stopped halfway to the stables to get the horses. "Wait, I don't plan on being someone's dinner tonight."

"Like I'm gonna let that happen." he chuckled.

As always, Van assured her, her safety.

* * *

Van happily told her the story of his journey to Egzardia. When they reached the small stream, they tied their horses and went on foot. They kept going, not knowing where they'll end up. They just enjoyed the secluded forest, as if there's no one else in the world but them.

"So you just left the princess all by herself in the castle. Well you're off to a good start." She said.

"She's not all by herself. I'm sure Mother is with her."

"I think you need to understand the meaning of being someone's fiancé." She chuckled and he did too. She was looking for some hints on his face and in his words, that maybe this is not what he wanted. Finally, she asked the question she's been dreading to ask.

She stopped a few paces behind him and spoke. "How did that happen?" Van looked back surprised at her out of the blue question.

"What do you mean?"

"The engagement? You said that you were going to a summit, you never said you're going to get yourself a bride." She said, trying with all her might not to sound jealous at all.

"The engagement was the summit." He put his hand on his hip and looked at her confused. "I thought of all people, you'd be the least surprise that I got engaged."

"On the contrary" her anger started rising.

"It just made sense at the moment. Folken already helped me by willingly taking the throne. I've been relieved of such responsibility. As a Fanel, I must help him lead the country by forming an alliance with other countries. The marriage will officially seal the bond between the two countries."

"But this is so unlike you."

"Exactly. I've been carefree all this time. And now I have to take responsibilities for my people. I _have_ to marry her."

"You _have _to marry her. Well that's romantic."

Getting a little annoyed at her non supportive friend, his voice stated to rise. "Okay, not everything goes like those fairytale books that you read, Hitomi. Sometimes people get married not because of love but because of duties, like Folken." He sighed and did not held back to show his frustration.

"You're unbelievable! The last thing I expect from you is to be unsupportive. I thought you'd be the one who'll make me see the best out of the worse situation."

"How can I be supportive? You don't even love her, do you?" as the mood of the conversation grew darker, the sky suddenly turned gray.

"Of course I don't! For god's sake I've known her for two weeks. It has been two weeks of awkward silence and two word conversations. And what does love got to do with this?" He sighed and continued "I know it doesn't make sense for you because you're too idealistic. But life is not exactly a fairytale Hitomi. Shouldn't you have realized that with your knight in shining armor?"

A thunder growled and made them look up in the sky. The clouds were getting darker, warning them of a stormy night. But a stronger storm filled between the two of them. She kept quiet, not knowing what to say after his remark. His face is still expressionless, not showing any regret of hurting her feelings.

Without another word, she turned and walked back.

"What are you doing? You'll get lost without me." He started walking after her.

"It's better than walking with you." Her pace sped up.

"What are you so mad about? That I pointed out what happened? Or the fact that I'm not living your ideal love story? Either way, they are the truth—" he caught up to her. He grabbed her arm and forced her to face him. His eyes are dark and threatening. "—stop running away and face it."

"I am not running away from anything!"

"Then stop hiding your true feelings! Tell me, why don't you want this marriage to happen?"

She glared up to him, eyes on the verge of crying. He stared down on her, holding her gaze with intense frustration. His grip on her arm grew tighter as he waited for her answer.

Not a word was spoken, but he understood. As he received the unspoken answer, his glare turned to a saddened shock, and his grip loosened, but not completely letting go of her.

She jerked her arm away and so did her stare. She did not feel the need for another word. She waited for him to speak.

But he was lost for words. It was the last thing he expected from her. He often thought, that Allen Schezar, was the complete opposite of him. How she ended up feeling this way for him is a complete mystery for him.

Another angry thunder broke the silence between them. It started to drizzle but the drops of water grew stronger. And with that, she started walking, leaving him standing alone under the rain, and lost for words.

* * *

The rain fell hard that night. On her way back to the stables, she wasn't sure whether the drops water that slid down on her face was raindrops or tears. It felt as if the sky was crying with her, and the loud thunders were her silent screams of frustration.

When she got to her cabin, she was soaking wet. Like a moving corpse, she changed into dry clothes and went to bed, hoping that sleep will come soon and take her away to dreamland for a night of escape. But sleep did not come.

Growing impatient, she stood up and sat by the window sill. She watched the rain and drops sliding down on the glass. She watched the lighting quickly dancing through the sky and disappearing at once. If only her problems were like lighting. Strike her once, and be gone in a second.

Her trance was interrupted by a sudden knock on the door. She was so caught up in watching the sky that she didn't notice anyone walking in her garden. Even so, she did not need to see who it was to know who would be coming at this ungodly hour.

It was clear to her that the incident today shook him up. He's been probably restless since she walked out on him.

And sure enough, when she opened the door, it was the person who she's been expecting, and dreading to face.

He was soaking wet. His hair was more disheveled that it usually was. His face was expressionless, but pain was clear in his eyes. She stepped aside, gesturing him to come inside her house that was dimly lit by the dying flames in the fireplace.

His face was harder to read in there. The peaceful atmosphere of her house suddenly felt heavy and unwelcoming. The tension was growing and it made her uneasy.

"Since when?" he suddenly asked.

She chuckled. "Does it matter?"

She can see that he's struggling for words— struggling for the right words to say. But even if he doesn't say it, she knows what they were. She braced herself for what's coming next.

"I—Hitomi, I can't do this to you."

She tried to hide the tears filling up in her eyes with a soft laughter. He was about to speak again. But she can't bear another word of rejection. So she cut him.

"Of course you can't" she said. She turned and grabbed the nearest towel and threw it at him. The moment that he caught the towel and his vision was blocked, she quickly wiped a tear that escaped her eye. He looked at the towel, then at her with confusion.

"Hitomi" he said softly.

"It's fine. I didn't expect you to feel the same anyway." Lies. And he knew they were. "I'm sorry my timing is terrible. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No it's—"

"We're great as friends, I just hope that we will manage to get back as we were soon."

"Nothing is changed."

"No, Van. A lot has changed. And it won't be easy." She silently breathed in, trying to control her emotions, and wishing to the gods to give her the strength to hold back the tears. "But it's gonna be okay. I know it will."

He just looked at her, completely losing the speech he had been preparing on his way here. This is her attitude, he thought. Hiding her tears behind her smile can never fool him.

But once, just this once, he let it slide and played along with this act of hers. She pleaded him to leave her at peace and he did not protest. When the door behind him closed, he found himself unable to take another step away from it.

He felt that if he walk away, her door will remain closed, and it will never open for him. He faced the door and laid his hand on it.

On the other side, she remained silent. Her hand that pushed the door close remained on it. She knew he was still out there. Half of her wants to open the door. But her rationality was pressing against the door, keeping it from opening.

As she heard the sound of footsteps distancing on every step, she fell on the ground, defeated. Finally, she let go of the tears.

* * *

**AN:** When I was writing the part when Hitomi met Mari for the first time, I was listening to "Ugly Girl" by Fiona Apple. The lyrics goes 'ha ha ha the joke's on me, I feel jealous and I feel mean. She's so nice that it makes up for her face- it's not fair! I can't compare- to an ugly girl". I wanted to make Hitomi look so jealous but then again- she has more class than that.

to **Inda, karmy 014, origami zombie and those who subscribed **thanks for the reviews and alerts. They are lovely!  
**drika- **gotta apologize for that but she has to. as they say, to let true love remain unspoken is the quickest route to a heavy heart.

**To be continued... **(since i haven't decided what the title of the next chapter is)


	5. No Distance Between Us

**Chapter V:**

**No Distance Between Us**

"_Oh these times are hard,  
and it's making us crazy  
don't give up on me baby."  
_For the First Time by The Script_  
_

Small smiles, short nods, formal bows and casual greetings—that's how they've been communicating for the past three days. He suddenly felt that his relationship with her turned nothing more than a casual person he passes by the corridors of the palace.

From the gardens, he watches her teach his nephew, his bride to be sitting on a chair beside him who silently stares into nothing. He hadn't made any progress with the princess either. It even got worse he thought. He noticed that she'd rather be in reverie rather than talking with him.

'_This will be the worse relationship in the history of Gaea.'_

He looked at Hitomi again as she cheerfully explained whatever the lesson was that morning. She smiles more than usual, cheerful more than usual.

'_When are you gonna stop this?' _

"The sun is getting warmer, I'm going inside." Said the princess as she stood up and leave. Van didn't even bother to respond or to look at her.

In times like this, he can only rely on her. He can vent out everything without filtering his words. She'll laugh at him, make fun of his situation and make it seem like it's endurable. In the end they'll both figure out what they need to do.

'_I need you.' _

Truth be told, he pictured his marriage simple and dimwitted with the princess. Sleep in the same bed, have children, live through it—as long as they are in Fanelia, he can endure it. He'll be with Folken, with Hitomi, with his countrymen. He doesn't have to spend all his day with his wife. But knowing Hitomi's true feelings, it might be harder.

When she saw her close the book and Gyle run out of the room, he automatically stood up to meet her.

'_What are you doing, idiot! What are you gonna say to her? Ugh! When did I ever think of what to say to her?' _he watched her as she returned the books to the shelves.

'_How did we get here?' _she left the room and closed the door.

* * *

Getting impatient on how messed up everything around him, he decided to stir things his way—starting with his future wife. He tried to put his friendliest face on as she entered the study room. She left the door open.

'_Good.' _He thought _'A quick way to escape.' _

"What do you want?" asked the princess. Her face is expressionless, as if she's a mere doll who does what she's told. Has she always been like this? He thought. Can't she feel any emotion?

"Well, as your future husband, I thought we should talk." He walked towards her, stopping at an arm length away from her.

'_For a change' _he thought. The princess did not react.

"I don't think it's necessary." She said.

"It is, if I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you. And if you were to bear my children."

The princess merely took a nod and looked away, again staring at nowhere.

"Mari." He took her hand and pulled her close to him. He looked deep into the princess' eyes. Nothing. There's absolutely nothing there.

He leaned in and laid his lips against hers. She didn't kiss him back. He knew, right then and there, their feelings for each other are mutual.

As he slowly pulled away and opened his eyes, he saw a blurred image of someone at the door. As the picture slowly became clear, he met a pair of pained jade eyes.

* * *

Five days had passed since she saw something she shouldn't have. The day after that, Van and Princess Mari left for Egzardia. Whatever the business was this time, she didn't bother to find out.

'_Maybe they got married'_ she thought, but immediately dismissed the idea since the royal family did not come with them.

Folken tried talking to her about Van's engagement, but all she could manage to say is "I wish the best for them". Truth is, she's fine as long as she keeps herself busy. She enjoyed every morning lesson with Gyle. The usual chase she does when he attempts to escape seems like a good way to sweat out the depression. She added a new regime in her schedule. She decided to go to town to teach young children how to read and write. There she met an interesting young cat girl with pink hair. She can't remember her name though. Her class usually ends at sunset and by the time she reaches her cabin, it's already dark.

She hated these long walks. All she could do is think, think about things she wishes to forget.

'_He's so cold.' _She thought as she remembered the kiss. He looked at her with such cold eyes. There was no surprise on his face. He didn't run after her. He didn't try to talk to her.

'_Why would he run after you dummy.' _She argued to herself.

She couldn't help but wonder what he's thinking, or why hasn't he talked to her. She never had the courage to initiate the conversation. She merely smiles at him and bows, but nothing more. They are not how they used to be. She can't help but feel regretful of her actions.

'_How did we get here?' _

* * *

The return of the prince was earlier than what the kingdom expected. The next morning, she found the whole palace in chaos. She felt the uneasiness of everyone. There where murmurs everywhere she goes. To make things worse, she felt as if it was her fault. Everyone looks at her direction as she passes. She couldn't decipher those stolen glances. As soon as she looks back, they pretend to be doing their job.

When she passed by the King's study room on her way to Gyle's room, she heard four different voices in argument.

"This is not what we talked about!"

"You backed out on your word."

"Let's just all calm down and think of a way through this."

She felt a tinge of embarrassment for overhearing the argument of the royal family. She hurriedly turned and walked away. But before she could manage to distance herself from the room, someone jolted the door open. She turned and saw an angry Van walking out. When he noticed her, his face softened and so did his body. He did not stop to acknowledge her. Goau and Varie soon left the room and went in the other direction.

When Folken walked out of the room and saw her standing suspiciously in the middle of the corridor, he simply said

"He canceled the wedding."

* * *

In a span of a week and a day, her head and her insides felt like they were turned, twisted and gutted out of her. A lot has happened and they were not easy to digest. She realized her feelings for Van, but when he got back from a summit from Egzardia, he was engaged. She told her feelings for him, but got rejected. She saw the two of them kissing, and they both left. Van returned without the princess and claimed that he canceled the wedding.

'_Did I miss anything? Oh yeah, he's not talking to me.' _She sighed as she arranged the books she used for the day's lesson.

She didn't hear anything from the royal family after what happened. She went on her daily routine—a lecture with Gyle and a class in town, but her mind drifts off somewhere else. She was surprised at Van's sudden decision to cancel his wedding. Imagining how Van's face changed when he saw her at the corridor, she couldn't help but think that he might have done it for her.

'_Stop fooling yourself.' _She shook the idea off of her head.

On her way back to the cabin, she decided to take a longer path. She didn't want to pass by the palace, fearing that she still attracts the curious eyes of the palace servants. It was already twilight when she got to her house.

She went straight to bed and buried her face on the mattress.

'_What were you thinking Van? I just can't figure you out.' _

There was a sudden heavy knocking on the door. She heard the urgency on the knocking. She quickly fixed herself. Before she could get to the door, a familiar voice, a voice she yearned to hear, called out her name, followed by another heavy knock.

"Hitomi! Are you in there?"

She opened the door and saw him jump back in surprise. His face was flushed and sweating. He was breathing hard. For a few seconds, he did not speak. He merely looked at her

"You did not let me speak the last time."

"What?"

"The last time we talked. You cut me off and dismissed me. So now you'll just stand there and listen to what I have to say."

And she did.

"I called off the wedding."

"I heard."

"No I said I'll be the one to talk here." She closed her lips and nodded. It took a while before he spoke again, as if he lost his trail of thought when she interrupted with a two word sentence.

"I know things are hard between the two of us now. And the only reason why I haven't talk to you for these past weeks is because I did not know what to do. I didn't know if acting as if nothing happened is okay with you, or you needed some space and time away from me. Honestly I was waiting for you to talk to me."

'_I didn't know what I want either.' _

His voice was starting to rise.

"I canceled the wedding, because after I saw how you reacted, I became, unsure of what was the right thing to do."

He again stopped. He sat on the ledge of the porch facing her. "The last thing I expected from you, is this. These feelings of yours—I am not ready for them." She wanted to stop him from talking. She clutched on to her dress to stop herself from speaking.

_'Is it not enough for you to reject me once?' _

"You're very important to me." It took her by surprise. "You're someone I need in my life. I—I can't lose you. I don't want to lose you. Hitomie, please. Can we just go back to being normal."

He waited for her to answer. She thought hard of what to say next. "Of course we can, Van. It will just, take some time."

"Tell me what I need to do." He begged.

"I don't know. Talk to me, act as if I didn't say anything. Until I feel that everything is back to the way it was."

They looked at each other for a long time. It was silent. The only thing they could hear is the beating of their hearts and the whistle of the winter wind.

"I told you it won't be easy." She smiled and looked away. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"No. It was great that you confessed."

She raised her eyebrows in confusion. She waited for him to explain.

"It's quite flattering—that someone like you, could feel that way about me. Makes me feel, worthy."

She smiled and said softly but loud enough for him to hear "get over yourself." He smiled at her familiar remark.

* * *

_'Slowly, we found ourselves at home at each other's arms again. We were closer than before, dearer than before. It wasn't easy. We were so uncertain—I was uncertain. Yet, you made it so easy to deal with it.' _

She looked at the book she threw on the chair. Then she wondered, what was worse, being left by the knight, or being rejected by the prince? She smiled, wondering why she was being masochistic. Remembering these memories are nothing more than a quick way to bring tears in her eyes and feel the coldness in the void in her heart. It's better to forget them

Then again, no one can escape her past. The arrival of the knight of Caeli may trigger old emotions, old feelings, that she tried to burry in the past.

_'Just you wait Hitomi.' _Thought the knight. _'I will win your heart again.' _

* * *

**AN: **Just to make it clear, this is the last chapter for the flashback. The last part was the present. Phew! Finally done with the flashback!  
AGAIN THANKS FOR THE COMMENTS- keep 'em coming. I love comments! :D

_Posted by:  
Mystic Mizu  
__May 31, 2012 8:06 pm_


	6. Gravity

**Chapter 6:  
Gravity**

_"What if it was you?  
You that I needed all along  
I felt like a fool,  
Kicking and screaming and pretending we were wrong"**  
**_

The autumn breeze was getting colder. As the leaves wither away with the wind, the time ticked the arrival of the guest that will bring unexpected changed that Van thought would never happen—again.

"The Kingdom of Fanelia welcomes you, loyal warriors of Asturia." Said King Folken with a smile. The royal family sat at the throne as they greet the knight of Caeli and his troop. Folken sat in the middle, Van at his right and Goau on the left. The queen and Hitomi stood at the far left. As the Asturians knelt, Allen looked at Hitomi's direction and gave her a small smile.

The brothers did not miss it. Folken anxiously stole glances at his brother, preparing himself to hold his arm just in case. His face is stoic as he looks down at one specific visitor who makes his blood boil. Though the king knows that his brother will not do anything stupid, but he can't help but feel uneasy not knowing how the next three weeks will pass without any dispute.

The knight with long blonde hair knelt in one knee, his right hand fisted on his right chest. He slowly looked up, smiling at the royal family.

"Thank you King Folken. The Kingdom of Asturia shares your joy in your coronation."

"Thank you. It has been four years since you last visited Fanelia, Allen Schezar."

"It has. It's good to be back in Fanelia. She's still as beautiful as I remember her."

They all know that it meant more than it sound. A few soldier behind Allen snickered, some shook their head as they suppressed the chuckle.

As Allen slowly bowed his head, he took another short glance at her. Hitomi can feel her heart beating fast, and the rush of her blood on her face. She took a deep breath, hoping that the darkness of the corner of the room may hide her scarlet face.

Van is still pokerfaced. He is certainly different from the fifteen year old who charges at the enemy without any plans. He has matured, and thank the gods, has learned how to control his anger.

"Please, make yourself at home in your stay here." Said the King, hoping that this greeting will end in peace.

"Thank you Lord Folken for the warm welcome."

And with that, Folken stood up and left the room, followed shortly by his brother and father. When he reached the corridor, he sighed in relief and looked back at his brother.

"You handled that one very well Van." Van looked at him slightly astonished at his brother.

"I'm still handling it. How long I can last is the question." Van stopped and looked back, waiting. When he saw that Hitomi was with Varie, he turned and walked away.

* * *

"Are you done?" she was surprised to see him waiting for her just outside the study room. But not so surprise that he wanted to have some time with her. She was expecting him to come to her, but not as soon as the day he arrived.

Gyle ran pass them, taking no interest at the stranger who was talking to his teacher. Both of them looked at innocent bliss as he turned at the corner.

"No, I actually have a class in town." She managed a smile. Surprisingly it was easy to talk to him, as if no unsaid words were left between them.

"Let me walk with you." She knew it would be pointless to reject the offer. So she let him.

As they walked to the town, they shared stories of the four years they had not seen each other. Hitomi did not tell him she confessed to Van.

He has been all over Gaea. The past four years, he's been representing Asturia in different countries. It wouldn't be surprising that he had an affair or two in each kingdom. Good looking that he is, it's hard not to notice him.

As she look at him, taking great interest in his adventures, she suddenly became aware of how familiar it is to be with him. She remembered how she used to get lost in his bright blue eyes, and how she can be swayed by his words.

'_Yes, that's how my heart got broken the last time.' _

As if she was suddenly covered by a metal armor, she had her guard up. She knows these actions, she has seen them. That's how he got her the first time. And it won't work this time.

She was hoping he'd leave when she starts the class. But he stayed. Under the tree with seven to eight children surrounding her, she told the story of the brave warriors of Fanelia. Allen sat on the other side of the tree eyes closed as he listened to her.

"Miss! Is that man one of heroes of Fanelia?" asked one curious kid.

Taken aback with the unexpected question, and completely overlooking that he was at the other side of the tree, it took a while for her to come up with an answer. "Well, he is a hero of Asturia." She heard him chuckle.

"Is he your lover?" teased a boy with a devilish grin. The children started laughing. Some faked vomiting.

"No" she answered laughing.

"Why not?" asked a girl with dreamy eyes.

Slightly getting embarrassed at their questions and the fact that she doesn't want to admit that they used to be lovers, she ended the class. "That's the end of today's lecture. I'll see you again tomorrow, okay?"

They all chanted "yes" in unison and left running and laughing.

"Why not?" She looked up and saw Allen walking towards her, his gloved hand laid on the trunk of the tree. He held out his hand to help her get up. She took it.

"Well, you left." She said not looking at him as he patted some dirt off of her dress.

"So, do you think, if I didn't leave, you'd still be with me?" he tilted his head trying to catch her gaze. She looked at him and smiled.

Her smile was sincere and gentle. "Who's to say?"

'_Maybe yes. And I wouldn't have admitted to Van that I loved him.' _

"I know that if I stayed, I would have asked you to spend the rest of your life with me. Maybe come with me to my expeditions, see the world with you. I know you love an adventure. Maybe having you by my side will make these lonely journeys feel like home."

She chuckled and started walking back to the palace, leaving him surprised at her obviously sarcastic laugh. When he caught up to her, she stopped walking and looked at him with a small smile on her face. She shook her head and said "You're a professional flirt. It's so natural for you to lure women with your words and smiles. You attract women like a moth to a flame. Such a dangerous tease you are, Allen Schezar."

He smiled remembering how her words, be it kind or cruel, could cut through the thickest skin of a man and mark him.

"You think that I am teasing you? Is that what my honesty is to you?" he said, still with a smile on his face, enjoying the fact that she's being honest in expressing her views about him.

"Oh, I've seen these moves before, Knight of Caeli. Shouldn't you know better that a strategy won't work twice on the same opponent?"

"But you are not my opponent, are you now?"

"Don't be so sure."

"Oh I am sure that you are not my enemy in this kingdom. If anything, you'll be the cause of dispute."

She chuckled again. She can't believe how smooth he is. If she didn't know any better, she'd be already dancing in his palm now—letting herself be indulged in his hypnotic words and warm caresses.

'_You are so different from him.' _

They have just reached the pathway to her cabin when she took a few steps ahead of him, stopped and turned to face him. A hint that this is as far as he can go with her.

"I've seen this move before." She smiled at him, one eyebrow raised. He chuckled. He knows that look.

"I know, it's not going to work." He took a step forward, knelt before her and took her right hand.

"But I am not giving up." He kissed the back of her hand. His lips lingered on it longer than it should have.

Finally he stood up. "You are a rare after all, Lady Hitomi". He bowed to her and left.

'_He does know how to treat a woman well, I'll give that to him.' _she thought as she watched him walk away.

She closed her eyes and sighed. She knelt down, picked up a pebble, and threw it hard towards the bushes. There was a small weak muffled whimper.

"You really should learn how to hide yourself well." She said.

Van slowly emerged out of the shrubs rubbing his forehead.

"How did you know I was there?"

She smiled smugly when she saw a red spot, slightly swollen on the center of his forehead. But silent celebration of victory was quickly replaced with knitted eyebrows and warning look.

"What do you think you're doing? Have you been following us?"

"Just when you entered the palace. I was curious."

"You don't respect my privacy at all, do you?"

"Well, what are you doing with him? I thought you wouldn't let yourself be fooled again"

"Don't be stupid. We were just talking."

"And the kiss?"

"Was a sign of respect from a man to a woman. Something you will never understand."

"Oh I understand all right. I understand that he is trying to win you over again."

"Win me over? What am I? some price?" she turned and started walking. He paced up until he reached her side.

"I know that he's trying to woo you again. Don't pretend that you haven't realized that."

"I have! And so what? He can try all he want, it's not gonna happen."

He gently held her arm and faced her to him, looking deep into her eyes—scrutinizing. His face was just a few inches away from hers. He was looking intensely at her. She just stood there, looking back at him.

Then he noticed something—something, awkward. _'Has her eyes been this brilliantly green? They're—beautiful.' _

The thought took him by surprise. He let go of her arm and stepped back.

Hitomi, surprised by his sudden retreat, looked astern, searching for who or what caused the man in front of her to stagger.

"What is it?" she said looking confused and slightly annoyed.

"Nothing—I just." He cleared his throat, looked away and scratched the back of his head. It was a gesture of uneasiness—she knows him too well. But what caused him to feel this way, was a mystery to her.

"I remembered I have to do something for Folken. I'll see you later." He didn't give her a chance to speak. He quickly turned and ran.

His heart is beating fast. He can feel the rush of blood on his cheeks. _'What the hell was that?' _he thought, as fear slowly printed on his face.

_"What if it was you?_  
_You that I needed all along_  
_I felt like a fool_  
_Thinking we were completely wrong_  
_It seemed like a dream_  
_A beautiful scream_  
_That echoed forever_  
_And made us not afraid to feel a thing"_

* * *

__**AN:** and thus the beginning of my torture to my beloved Van Fanel. The lyrics above is **It Had to Be You** by Motion City Soundtrack

Thanks for the subscriptions and reviews! I love them!

_Posted_ by  
**Mystic** Mizu  
June 6, 2012 3:17 pm


	7. Karma

**Chapter 7:  
Karma**

_"Time that I've taken  
I pray is not wasted  
Have I already tasted  
my piece of one sweet love?"  
__One Sweet Love by Sara Bareilles_

Is this his karma? Maybe it is. The gods are punishing him for all the evil deeds he had done to all women who fell on his lap. He'll sleep with them then forget their names the next day. It didn't matter to them. They gladly threw themselves in order to give their prince a night of pure lust.

What are the odds that he'd feel this way for Hitomi? The woman who courageously told him what she felt for him four years ago, and got turned down.

'_No. It's not strange that I feel this way.' _He realized. He knew, somehow, someday, at some point in his life he'll see her this way. With all the speculations of the people around them, thinking that they'd end up getting married someday, of course, he'll believe it too. And he did. But with this Allen Schezar back in her life, things might not end the way they wanted.

Allen is a sure shot for Hitomi. If they get back together again, for sure, it will be something more special than before—something harder to break, and god forbid, something real.

'_Hitomi will not let that happen. She told me herself.' _He assured himself. But there something in the way that Allen looked at her as he kissed her hand, something in the way that she watched him as he walked away, that scared him. It was a like a silent communication, a quiet message.

'_I can't let that happen. I can't let her be with him again.' _He mentally planned how he'll make Hitomi that Allen's intentions are no good.

In the middle of his deep thought, his eyes widened, realizing how the little green monster called jealousy have greatly taken over his reason.

'_I'm a terrible person.'_

* * *

For the past few days after the arrival of Allen Schezar, Van has been unmistakably absent in her day. He was not there to greet her in the morning, nor was he waiting for her after class. He didn't come to walk her home at nights either.

'_Is something wrong in the war council?'_ she thought, as Allen was also too busy to accompany her in her classes in town for the past two days.

Nonetheless, she was happy to have some time for herself. Allen was constantly by her side whenever he is free.

Did she send the message right into Van's head this time? Did he really give up spying on her? She thought. She was half satisfied and half confused.

As winter approaches, the young teacher announced that she's cancelling the class for a month or two, since they have their lectures outside.

"I'll see what I can do about having classrooms." She assured Merle, mentally noting that she will talk with Folken about it.

"That'll be wonderful. It's getting pretty hard to have classes outside. Especially when it suddenly rains." She said as they made their way to the cat girl's house, carrying the books they used in today's lecture.

"So, how's everything with the knight? The blonde one from Asturia? What was his name? Alex? Alfonse?" Merle opened the door using her tale.

Hitomi chuckled, amused watching the young cat girl open the door. "It's Allen. Nothing unusual. Why did you ask?"

Merle looked back at her, a bit annoyed and a bit surprised. "You're kidding right? You can't be that naive."

"What do you mean?" she said tilting her head in confusion.

"I thought you're smart." She said shaking her head. She settled the books on the nearest table. She looked back and crossed her arms across her chest.

"He's courting you right?"

She chuckled again.

"Stop chuckling and spill it. Or are you two actually together now?" she hissed, the hair on her tail rising in annoyance.

"We're not. We're just two friends catching up. We didn't see each other for years, you know." She stepped forward and laid the books on top of Merle's stack.

"Wow, you are an idiot." She said eyeing her as she crossed the room.

"It's amazing how you can shift your attitude when you're in front of the kids to this rumor-hungry-insulting-cat." She said, her left eye brow rose as she looked back at the cat.

"So if it is not the knight, then it's true! You are Prince Van's lover." She said teasingly.

"Now, that's more ridiculous than your first theory." She can feel the heat on her cheeks. Merle did not miss the slight blush.

She scoffed. "Where do you get these ideas?" she was no longer smiling. Her eye brows are knitted and her face is flushed.

"I'm a rumor-hungry-insulting-cat, remember?" she said smugly. "So, it's true. If Lord Van took the crown, you could've been our queen." She said in amazement.

"Van and I are not lovers." She said firmly.

"Then it's Allen then?"

"No! I—"

"What in Gaea's name? Are you a two timing tramp? Or you're just fickle?"

She sighed in defeat. She thought that there is no way she could win this argument.

There was a sudden knock at the door. Merle opened the door and found a short chubby woman in red robe with apron around her waist. Her hair was half graying but her smile has a youthful spark in it.

"Merle, Lady Hitomi." She said bowing to them.

"My name is Neri, my child attends your class, Shiba. He told me that you won't be holding any class this winter."

"Yes, sorry to say. We just don't have a place to hold classes in this weather." Hitomi said looking apologetic.

"Please, milady, don't apologize. We are very thankful that you take your time going to town to teach our children. Please, let us show you our gratitude."

Merle and Hitomi looked at each other, smiled and nodded.

"We want to invite the two of you to a little celebration. A dinner the parents of your students prepared for the two of you."

Hitomi looked out the window and saw the sun setting. It will be dark soon, and she should be heading home before sundown.

'_I guess it's okay to go home late just this once.' _

She smiled at Nari. "We would be honored. Thank you."

Nari stepped aside and led the way to her house where the celebration is.

* * *

"Well that concludes today's meeting. Thank you council men." Folken stood up and walked out of the room, Van following him from behind.

"You've been active in council meetings lately. What happened to my carefree brother?"

"He's scheming a plan to overthrow you." He said lightly punching his brother on his arm. Him and Folken laughed.

They were quiet for a few minutes as they made their way to the front door of the palace.

"You know, the more you leave her alone, the more you give him space to be with her." Van merely looked at the floor, not reacting to what his brother is saying.

"I thought you wanted to protect her from him?" Folken said looking concern at his stoic face.

"Of course I want to protect her, not just from him, from everything else. It's just—complicated." He stopped, leaving Folken a few paces ahead of him before he too stopped.

Folken merely smiled. "So, you finally see who Hitomi really is to you?"

Van was looked at his brother, surprised. He looked out at the setting sun thinking _'Who Hitomi is to me?' _

* * *

It was one happy celebration. It felt like she just ended a school year, and this was a short goodbye till they start again on spring. The food was nothing special, nor was it in great amount. But it was delightful. She can see that they really tried to make it look elegant and beautiful. The house was decorated with white clothes hanging from one end to the other, making an inverted arc.

There were merry making and lots of liquor. She figured it wouldn't be a great idea to drink and head home on foot. Merle on the other hand, who lives a few houses away from the celebration, drank 'till she's red and couldn't talk straight. It wasn't such a pretty sight for the kids.

Hitomi helped Merle get home and when she got out of her house. She shivered as the cold autumn breeze blew. She looked up at the starry sky. By the positions of the star, she can tell that it was already pretty late. Perhaps an hour before midnight or so.

Then for a moment, she noticed a white dot, dancing its way down, drawing closer to her face. It landed on her forehead and melted. She saw a few more coming down.

'_It's snowing.' _She exhaled, and saw her breath in mist. She held out her hand catching a few falling snow on her palm. She smiled as she watched them melt.

"I better head home." She breathed, pulling her wrap tighter.

* * *

'_She's not home yet?' _he wondered as he stared at the empty house. His heart was beating fast. Where is she? It's not like her to be home late. Should he worry that she's not home yet? Did something happen to her? Or is she with Allen?

He decided to wait at the front gate. He turned and his eyes widened when he saw snow, falling gracefully from the sky. He stepped out and greeted the white dancers, letting some of them fall on his palm.

"She must be cold." he whispered to himself. He went back into her house and grabbed a winter coat in her closet before setting out to the front gate.

* * *

As she made her way back home, she got lost in the small roads of Merle's district. She tried to remember her way back to Merle's house for a start but she can't find her way. One thing's for sure is where she was, was no near to the palace.

She walks along the dark alley, passing a few by standers who snickered as she walk pass by them. She grabbed the hood of her wrap and covered her head. She lowered the top to cover her face in the shadow of the night.

She panicked when she heard footsteps following behind her, but she remained composed, not showing any sign of terror. She thought that the first thing she needs to do is to get out of this small street. She needs to be in a broad street, where the lamps and guards are.

She swallowed as she eyed the surroundings. She has no idea where she is.

Van has been waiting for only a few minutes, and he already grew impatient. It was cold and dark. Where could he have taken her? Where is she?

He can't shake the feeling that something terrible is happening. He stood up and started heading to town.

"Where are you?"

* * *

"She's the palace's governess." She heard one of them say.

"I heard she was the prince's lover." They laughed and cheered.

"She's quite a treasure, isn't she? Think the prince will pay a healthy ransom?"

Her heart dropped. She knows that they wanted her to hear this conversation. Still she didn't show any panic. She slowly paced her walk up and she heard them doing the same.

Her heartbeat raced, and so did her breathing. It was no doubt that they're after her. She started running.

"Where do you think you're going?" said one of them in a husky voice.

She screamed when she felt someone grabbed her coat pulling her back. She quickly untied and removed it. She was able to get away. It was harder to breathe in this weather. Moreover, it was harder to run in her thick dress.

She noticed that the footsteps behind her were fainting. No, not fainting. It sounded, less. They split up, she thought.

She can't think of a plan. Not that she doesn't know where she is. She can't scream, she'll give away her position. When she turned to a corner, she bumped into someone's chest and fell to the ground, hitting her head at the concrete. She saw a blurred shadow of a man crouching down to her.

"Hey I got her!" said the huge man as he grabbed her wrists and pinned her to the ground. She struggled his hold but he was too strong.

"How you doing, pretty lady?" he said leaning his head towards her, sliding his tongue on her cheek. She screamed for help. She heard footsteps running towards them, but she knew it wasn't help.

"Geez! Quit making such a racket! We have to get out of here now." said one of the guys.

"Let me have a minute or two with her first." Said the man on top of her. She still screamed for help. He had such big hands that he was able to hold her wrists with one hand and used the other to cover her mouth.

"Can't you do that later? The guards will come with all the noise you're making!"

"Then go stand watch!" he let go of her mouth and ripped her dress. She screamed at the sound of her dress slitting. She felt a strong heavy knuckle hitting her lip.

"Shut up!" he said. He tore off some cloth and handed it to one of his mates. She can feel the taste of blood filling her mouth. She bit her tongue, and her lip is cut open.

"Tie it around her mouth" he demanded.

"No please—" she screamed

* * *

He did not imagine it. He heard a faint scream of a girl. No, it wasn't just someone's scream. He heard Hitomi's scream. He gripped the coat tighter, closed his eyes and waited.

'_C'mon Hitomi!' _

He heard another scream and quickly ran, following the sound of plead. His heart beating fast, his hand, clutching onto to the coat he brought for her.

'_Hang in there.' _

He turned to a corner and there she found her at the corner of a dead end alley, clothes ripped and torn. Her lower lip is bleeding, and her hair is disheveled. Terror was written all over her face.

It didn't register to him that her attackers are on the ground, except for one. He can see his silhouette, standing firm on the ground, his sword on his hand. He dropped the coat and drew his sword ready to attack, only to realize that this man was not one of her attacker. It was her savior—her knight in shining armor.

* * *

**AN: **I hope you don't mind a little action. I had fun writing this chapter. Hope you like it. :D


	8. Sleepless Night

**Chapter 8:**  
**"Sleepless Night**

_"And the feeling that I'm falling further in love  
__makes me shiver, but in a good way"  
__Out of my League by Stephen Speaks_

He looked at the piercing blue eyes of the man standing between him and Hitomi. His sword is drawn looking astern at him as he drew out his sword. But he was not his enemy at the moment.

'_I was—too late.' _He thought. She had been saved. Relief as he was, he couldn't help but feel a bit annoyed that Allen was the one who saved her.

'_That doesn't matter now. She's safe.' _He drew back his sword and picked up the coat that he dropped. Completely ignoring Allen, he walked pass him and knelt before Hitomi. He put the coat around her, covering her bare skin and tattered dress. He removed his gloves, put them in his pocket and wiped the blood trickling down from her cut lip with his thumb.

He saw her sigh in relief when he touched her face. Her skin was cold, and she was shivering. He combed her hair back with his fingers, smoothing her messy hair away from her face. When he touched the back of her head, she twitched in pain. He felt a bump.

"What did they do to you?" he said in a low threatening voice.

"They were going to kidnap me for ransom. One of them had another thing in mind, and Allen was in time to stop him from—" she couldn't say the word. He can see her trembling, fear was in her eyes. Tears started to build in them. She looked away and wiped them.

He looked back at Allen, nodding at him. It was a silent show of gratitude, for he saved the woman they both love.

He felt such a strong anger towards the lowlifes who are lying unconscious on the ground. He wanted them dead. But for now, what matters is her.

"Let's go home." He said.

She nodded. She was about to get up, when he took both of her hands and hung them around his neck as he turned. He then cupped both of her thighs and jerked her up to his back and stood. She felt slightly embarrassed that she's being carried by Van like this in front of Allen.

"Allen, thank you for rescuing her. I'll be taking her back to her home." He said in a low voice, but loud enough to hear his gratitude for rescuing Hitomi.

"It is my duty to protect her." He said, bowing his head to them. Van was a bit taken a back in his statement. His duty to protect her? "I'll take care of these scumbags." He looked at Hiotmi with a small smile on his face. "Have a good rest, Hitomi. I'll see you in the morning."

"Thank you Allen." She said as Van started walking out of the alley.

* * *

They can see snow starting to build up on the road and on the top of the trees. Despite of the cold weather, Hitomi was warm, her cheek laid on his shoulder and her chest against his strong back. He did not show any sign of difficulty as he carried her.

"I can walk, Van." She said, finally breaking the silence between them since they walked out of the valley.

"Just rest." He merely replied. He again pulled her up and slid his arm under the back of her knee for better support.

Her hold around his neck tightened. Her cheek was resting against his. Then she whispered "thank you for coming."

He smiled feeling the warmness of her body and her words. But when he remembered how she was almost raped and captured, he felt a little bit annoyed again.

"What were you thinking, walking on the streets this late? It so dangerous! You should know that!"

She moved her head back away from his, surprised and irritated. "Really? We're going to talk about that now?"

"Well, what were you doing? Are you supposed to meet up with Allen? Can't you do it inside the palace instead of endangering both yourselves in that district?"

"I was not meeting up with Allen. Today was the last day of my teaching in town, the parents prepared a little celebration."

"You should know better."

She groaned as she looked away. She's too tired to have an argument with him. She wanted to tell him to put her down, but she felt really comfortable being carried by him. She tried focusing her attention back at the falling snow.

"You're not teaching in town anymore?" he suddenly asked.

"No. It's hard to have class in the open this snow." She said, still not looking at Van. Watching the falling snow helped her calm down. They were beautiful, she thought.

"I'll see what I can do about building classrooms." She looked at Van surprised. She smiled and laid her head on his shoulder again.

"Thank you." She said.

* * *

They walked in silence until they reached her home. Still, Van carried her to her bedroom, laying her down. He helped her take off her boots. He left the room when she changed her dress. He scanned her cabinet, looking for medicine for her cut lip. Unfortunately, there was none. He noted to himself that he'll bring her some tomorrow. Remembering that she hit her head, he went outside to gather some snow he can use for her head. It was unfortunate that he was only able to get a few, but it will do for tonight.

When he got back to her room, she was already tucked in. He sat beside her and told her to lie on her side. He placed the towel filled with snow where the bump is. He cleaned her wound, her face, and her arm. She just looked at him as he took care of her. Good thing that it was dark, and her room was dimly lit by the light of the moons of the night. Though it was very caring of him, it wasn't exactly comfortable.

She wanted to say goodnight to him, but her eyelids are getting heavy. Her head feels like someone is hammering on it. She had her eyes closed, ready to fall asleep when she felt his warm hand on her cheek and heard his softened voice.

"Hitomi, you can't sleep yet. You might have a concussion."

She opened her eyes met his, only a few inches from hers. He leaned back to give her space as she sat up. She smiled at him as she fixed her hair.

"Then keep me awake tonight." She pulled the blanket, inviting him to get under it.

He kicked off his boots and went under covers. Hitomi laid back again.

"That's not a smart position to stay awake." He told her as he remained sitting.

"You'll talk. That will keep me awake." She said as she looked up to him.

"That's not fair. You should talk too." he said as he placed a pillow behind him for his comfort. He looked at her and waited for her to initiate the conversation. She began telling what happened to her that day, from her intuition that the war council has been extra busy since Van and Allen hasn't been showing up. Van began talking about the alliance between Fanelia and Asturia. Turns out that Asturia requests the military aid of Fanelia in case of war emergency. It was quite a pickle since Fanelia wishes to stay neutral in wars of small disputes—a common thing for Asturia due to her numerous trades and underground market. They went on and on, trying to make it through the night. Then finally, silence.

"Keep talking." She insisted.

"What do you want to talk about?" he answered in a clearly tired voice. It didn't help that it was cold that night. It was a perfect whether to get cozy in bed. He fought the exhaustion and tried to stay awake.

"I don't know. You think. My brain doesn't work at this hour." She chuckled.

"I have a topic in mind, but you might not like it."

"Try me." She dared.

He hesitated, his eyes fixated on her. He knew it's not the right moment to tell her the truth. It didn't feel quite right yet. So instead, he said "Allen".

Hitomi frowned and closed her eyes. "I'd rather have a concussion than to have that conversation."

He chuckled, still watching her, waiting for her to open her eyes. She didn't.

"Hitomi." He slid down, leveling his face to hers. Still she didn't open her eyes. "C'mon, knock it off. You might actually fall asleep." He slightly shook her shoulder with one hand.

She opened her eyes, smiling. "Why won't you let it go, Van?"

He remained laid on his side facing her. Even though it was dark, she noticed the seriousness in his eyes when he said "I don't want it to happen again."

"Why?" she asked, trying to making it sound like an innocent question. Then she said in a low voice "What if it's different this time?"

She was expecting him to argue with her, but instead, he kept quiet. He merely looked at her. Then she saw something in his eyes. It was in the way that he looked at her.

"Things will be—different. But not in this way." He said. She looked at him, confused at what he said. He merely smiled at her unsaid question.

"Tell me something." He continued. "Tell me something you've never told anyone."

Surprised at the sudden change of topic, she blinked at him in confusion. She decided to drop the question. It took her a while to answer, thinking that what she'll say may imply something else to him.

"I wanted to travel. I want to see the things I've read in books. I want to see a mermaid in the sea. Maybe even discover the entrance to the Mystic Valley. Of course that's too farfetched, but you never know." He didn't miss the excitement in her voice though it was a little hoarse due to weariness.

Van couldn't help but smile at the sound of joy in her voice. "Yeah? How come you never told me that before?"

"I don't know. Well, I do. I don't want you, or any of the Fanels to think I want to abandon your family after all the things you've done for me."

He slightly frowned. "You're not a prisoner of this palace. You're free to travel the world if you want."

She merely smiled. "It scares me a bit. I've never left Fanelia."

She can feel her eyelids getting heavy. She closed her eyes and breathed in deep.

"Hitomi." Van called.

"I'm awake, I just need to close my eyes." But he knows that she was slipping away. He can see her hands relaxing, and her shoulder losing tense. He doesn't want to tire her more.

He leaned in closer, their noses almost touching. He looked at her relaxed face "I'll come with you, so you won't be scared." He whispered.

"Really?" she whispered in a low sleepy voice.

"Of course." He gazed on her face, mesmerized at her soft features. Her relaxed face, slightly parted lips, she is so beautiful. He always thought so. Somehow, tonight she's overwhelmingly attractive.

"I—want to stay with you." he lifted his head, leaning his head closer to hers, their lips, almost touching. "I love you." He whispered. He closed his eyes, pursed his lips, and retreated. He sighed as he moved back and fell asleep.

She woke up and found an empty space beside her. She tried remembering what happened the night before. She could've sworn Van slept in her bed. She stood up yawning. She felt a pang on the back of her head. She placed her hand where it hurt and felt the bump. Her hair was damp and cold.

When she walked out of the room, she saw the basin Van used last night to clean her. There was a towel in the basin filled with snow.

'_So he was here last night.' _She smiled as she touched the back of her head again, realizing that he must've treated her bump before he left.

Again, she was trying to recall what they have talked about. There was the school, the war council, Allen, her dream of traveling the world. She frowned when she couldn't remember what happened after. Van said something last night. Something that wasn't clear. Then she remembered the warm breathing on her face. And the soft whisper.

'_Did he told me he love me?' _

She heard it, but she can't see Van saying this. It was dark. Did she dream it?

'_Maybe.' _Still, she is confused. She sat down on a chair near the near the hearth where, surprisingly, a fire was set. Someone suddenly opened the door. She turned to see who it was. Van walked in carrying a basket in his hand.

"Well I'm glad you're awake. The doctor will be here in about half an hour to check on your wounds and head. And, I brought breakfast. Though we might need to reheat it. It got a bit cold on my way here." He said as he placed the basket in front of her and took out her food.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked. It made her realize that she was looking at him with such scrutinizing eyes. She still wonders what happened at the end of that night.

"Did you-?"

He waited for her to continue. She shook her head—which was a terrible idea because it made her dizzy.

"Never mind."

* * *

**AN: **Thanks again for all the reviews and alerts. They are very much appreciated. :D


	9. Relapse

**Chapter 9:  
Relapse**

"_Steal my heart and hold my tongue__  
__I feel my time, my time has come__  
__Let me in, unlock the door__  
__I've never felt this way before"_  
Till Kingdom Come by Coldplay

The winter nights grew unpredictable. Some will have blizzards, some will have peaceful fall. It was a depressing moment for the kingdom. Some of the watchmen died due to extreme cold nights.

It was unsafe to travel in midst of the forest. Still, the hardworking Fanelians took the time to build the soldiers small cabins in the forest where they can stay at night for a warm shelter. Even the royal family went out to the forest to help their countrymen.

As she prepared the food for the workers in peace, she recalled the night of the first fall of the snow. One thing about that night kept ringing back to her. Whenever she looked at Van Fanel, she can hear his voice, saying that he loves her. Many times she convinced herself that it was just a dream.

'_That is one thing in my life that I never want to go back to' _she thought.

She looked at the young prince who was helping build a cabin. He was crouching down at the foot of the house and hammering the wall.

'_Although, he did change.' _She wondered. Looking back at who he was before, there is no way she would have fallen for him. His parade of one night stands definitely helped her forget her feelings for him. Despite that, his attitude towards her is still a good enough reason for her to have a setback.

'_Well, he changed. I don't think he sleeps with random women anymore.' _

When she noticed that Van was looking at her, confused, she realized that she has been gazing at him. He stood up and walked towards her with a teasing smile on his face.

"You've been staring." He said when he reached her.

She looked away flushed. "Was I?" she simply said. She went back to her work.

"Something's bothering you?" he asked as he sat down and helped her with the food preparations.

"Don't touch those, your hands are dirty." She said still trying to focus on her job. Van withdrew his hands. "And no, nothing's bothering me." She added.

"Are you worried about the men around here?" he said in a serious tone.

She chuckled as she looked at him. "There you are again, being over protective. We've been over this."

Van snorted and looked away.

"Those men are not Fanelians. They're a bunch of lowlife bandits who happen to pass by and saw a victim."

"Well, you are not just some victim. Everybody here knows who you are. You're part of the royal family. If they mess with you, they have to deal with me." Both of them were surprise with what he said.

'_That attitude of his—that's it.' _She realized. No matter how annoying he could be, his transparent protective character towards her makes her feel so special, so much loved by Van. An affection that was only given to her, and her alone.

She felt the rush of blood on her face. She noticed that he too, was surprised with what he said.

"Well, since you're my rumored lover, they might as well think before they act." He said defensively.

For her, Van has been, and always will be careful with his words when he expresses his affection towards her. This kind of defensive act shows that he doesn't want to imply that he has romantic feelings for her but a mere brotherly affection.

Hitomi couldn't think of anything in reply. _'So Merle was right about the rumors.' _

"Just be careful." He said as he stood up and left.

She sighed. "Maybe I was dreaming." She whispered to herself as she watched him go back to his work.

"I can't believe your already allowing yourself to be this vulnerable already." Said a familiar voice coming from behind her. She looked back and saw the knight of Caeli walking towards her, carrying a stack of ply woods.

"Who said I was being vulnerable?" she said looking astern.

"Staring blankly into nothingness and sighing to yourself, doesn't seem like you're aware of your surroundings." he stopped beside her.

"I am aware that I am in no danger. These are my people."

"Still. You never know." His eyes set upon the basket of food she has been preparing. "You've been helping. That's gracious of you." He said with a smile.

"You've been working hard yourself." She replied.

"Well, we're stuck here since the weather is unpredictable. I can't take the chance of endangering my men to the possibility of getting stranded in the middle of a blizzard." He placed the ply woods on the ground. He sighed in relief and massaged his arm.

"Mind if I have some lunch?" he said as he sat on the woods.

Hitomi laughed and handed him food. "Here you go, grand pa."

"It doesn't get this cold in Asturia. Fanelia has an extreme winter. My muscles are stiffed up." He said in defense.

Hitomi sat beside him. "I don't think I've thanked you properly for saving me that night. If it wasn't for you, they could've hurt me in ways I could not imagine. Thank you, Allen."

Allen looked at her smiling. "It's nice to hear you say my name without such spite."

Hitomi blushed. "That's not true."

Allen chortled. "That's fine. Honestly, I wanted you to yell at me, show me how much you hate me. I wanted you to release all the hate you felt towards me, until nothing's left. I really want to start fresh with you."

He started eating his food. She could never get over his talent to say such words in a straight face. He doesn't blush nor fidget. It seems so—real and genuine.

"I never hated you for standing by your principles as a knight." She blurted. Allen looked at her in surprise.

Fearing that she too will have a relapse with Allen she stood up and took the basket of food. "Perhaps saving me from those bandits was a start, Allen."

She walked away before Allen could response.

* * *

They managed to build two watchmen cabin in two days, thanks to the hardworking Fanelians and soldiers of Asturian. When the sun started to set on the land, they decided to call it a day.

Hitomi was just about to leave when she felt someone grabbed her hand. After getting almost raped, her initial reaction was to protect herself. She summoned all her strength in the swing of her hand that landed on the face of her attacker—or so she thought. Van took a few steps back to regain his balance.

She gasped when she realized she slapped the prince of Fanelia in front of his people, and the Asturian soldiers. She saw the complete shock on the faces of the witnesses. Some eyes widened, some jaws dropped.

Van chuckled as she rubbed his cheek. "Wow! That was stronger than the first one you gave me. Have you been practicing on trees?" he said in a loud enough voice so everyone could hear.

Their audience started laughing and went back to their businesses. She smiled faintly at Van, half sorry and half thankful for what he did.

"I'm so sorry." She said as she removed his hand from his cheek so she could see the damage done. She tried to suppress the laughter when she saw the mark of her hand on him.

"You don't seem sorry."

She laughed. "I really am. It's just—it's so red!" she removed her glove from one hand and laid it on his cheek. Her hand is cold, it helped soothe the tinge of pain on his cheek.

"No it's fine—really. At least now I know you can defend yourself somehow." He took her hand and spoke in a low voice. "C'mon. Let's go for a walk."

Before Hitomi could response they were distracted by the commotion the men was making. They thought that they had been watching, but when they turned to look, they saw them cheering at something from afar.

Their eyes set upon a group of people walking towards their direction. They are all women. In their hands they carry blankets and firewood—the supply for each cabin. They also carry wine that will help warm up the insides of the hardworking men. The men cheered and waved.

It was Van's worse nightmare.

It felt as if a man plotted an evil plan—assembling all women of Fanelia in one spot, plus Hitomi.

"Lord Van!" Said someone from behind him who suddenly coiled her arms around his neck. "How come you don't visit the town anymore?"

Whoever she was, it didn't matter to him. When he looked at Hitomi, he saw the clear irritation on her face as she tugged her hand back and walked away.

"We had so much fun that night. Do you remember? You had your arms around my waist as I slid—''

"Listen" he cut her off before she could finish the sentence he hopes Hitomi did not hear. "Now's not a good time." He uncoiled her arms and ran after Hitomi without looking back at the woman who called out to him.

She disappeared in the crowd. It's as if half of the Fanelia's people are gathered in the middle of her forest. He could only think of one place Hitomi could be heading to—her home.

* * *

He was already far from the crowd and deep into the forest when he saw her. She was looking around—clearly lost for direction.

"You shouldn't have left without me." He said when he was near enough for her to hear him.

She looked astern surprised. But the shock on her face was quickly replaced by a frown.

"Go back to your woman whom you had so much fun holding her waist." She said as she started walking away again.

"That's not the right way!" he shouted as he ran after her. He couldn't help but smile when he saw her embarrassed face—frowning and slightly flushed.

"What are you smiling at?" she said as she turned to her left and walked.

He chuckled as he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the opposite direction. He didn't let go of her hand as they walked in silence. Slowly but surely, he felt her mood calm down. When he felt her hand enclosed his, he slowed down his pace so they'd be walking side by side.

"Why are you so jealous?" he asked out of the blue.

"I wasn't! I don't think I want to hear whatever you did with that woman."

Van stopped and faced her to him. He looked deep into her eyes and asked "Do you still have feelings for me?"

She was clearly surprised at the sudden question. They have never opened that topic since the last time they had talked about it.

She let go of his hand. The cold weather quickly spread through her body at the absence of his warmth on her hand. She simply smiled and walked pass him. "Maybe yes, maybe no." she said lowly but loud enough for him to hear.

Van looked confused. "What does that mean?" he said as he followed her.

She stopped and turned. Without looking at him she began explaining. "Feelings like that, they can't be easily shrugged off, especially if it's meant for someone as annoying as you."

He frowned at her statement.

"You just won't leave me alone." She chuckled. "Not that I don't want you around—but it's hard to completely disregard how I feel if you're constantly present. It's just the way things are—something I couldn't change, but it's something I can live with."

She laughed when she saw the puzzlement written all over his face. "Is it really that hard to understand? You're making such a funny face."

He just shook his head as he looked away. "I wonder where you get the strength to openly talk to me about your feelings." Clearly it was a strength that he did not posses.

"Is it embarrassing to hear? Imagine if you're the one who's saying it." She turned and started to walk again.

"Hitomi." He called. She stopped and looked astern. She waited for whatever he was to say.

The sun was already setting. But like the light that was slowly fading from the western sky, the strength to tell her the truth escapes him.

She was facing him now, her face expresses the question of his delay.

"I—" he stuttered. He clenched his fist.

The tension of his body made her uncomfortable. She heard him sigh.

Finally he moved. He walked towards her, and with one swift movement, she felt his one strong arm around her waist, his hand cupped on her face, and his warm lips on hers.

* * *

**AN (more like rambling): **Sorry for the late update. I've been hung up on other stuff—like job or rather finding one. Still—Oh my god people I can't believe there hasn't that much new Escaflowne fic. Where's the love? I remember those really good authors who created really really really good fanfic. They are really epic.

I've also been hooked in Nurarihyon no Mago. It only was aired here in the Philippines last June, and it's so freaking amazing! I've been reading its manga- and they are so mother effing good. You guys should check it out. There aren't many fanfics on it either, too bad.

Coldplay has been a good inspiration for me lately-especially the song that i qouted above. Kudos to Guy Berryman, Buckland, Will Champion, and Chris Martin- members of Coldplay for composing such a lovely song.

Anyways what do you think of this chapter? Reviews are much appreciated!

**Karmy 014, origami zombie, thepinkmartini- **thanks for the reviews! :) and for the alerts! you guys are awesome.

* * *

Posted by:

**Mystic Mizu**  
July 03, 2012 5:12 pm


	10. In the Midst of a Blizzard

**Chapter 10:**

**In the Midst of a Blizzard**

_"Good feeling won't you stay with me- just a little longer." _

_Violet Femmes_

* * *

'_Wait. What's happening?' _Her eyes are closed, and her hands are pressing against his strong arms, holding her close. His lips, his warm soft lips are pressed against hers.

'_He's—He's kissing me?' _her heart was beating fast—but it seems that the blood on her head was draining.

She pushed him away and gasped for air. She opened her eyes and met his. He too looked surprised at her sudden rejection of his touch. She took a few steps away from him, unconsciously touching her lips with her hand.

She didn't know if she looked terrified but his face was completely shocked and he was moving very cautiously. Surprisingly, this is not how she imagined she would react when Van kisses her. She felt embarrassed, sad, and somehow, angry. Still breathing hard she looked away.

She held up her hand when he tried to approach her. A tear escaped her eye.

'_Damn it! Why am I crying?' _she wiped away her tear with her gloved hand.

"Hitomi." He again tried to close the distance between them, only to be pushed again.

"Van please, give me a moment." She pleaded.

He felt bad for what he did. Clearly kissing her without her approval was wrong. He forgot. She's not like those other women who welcome his kisses so openly. He waited for her to calm down. He watched her with great concern as she steadied her breathing. She found a boulder to sit on—slowly losing her awareness in her thoughts.

When he noticed that she had gotten hold of herself, he spoke. "I'm sorry."

She probably forgot that he was there. She was surprised when he spoke. She looked up at him as he slowly walked towards her. She didn't show any sign that she wanted him away from her. He knelt before her.

"You're four years late." She said.

"I know." He said. He can still see signs of resentment in her eyes.

"Why now?" she asked.

It was a fair question. Four years ago he broke her heart. She bravely confessed her love for him and he rejected it. He's in the same situation as Allen—he was in no position to demand love from her. He was in no position to expect her to be with him.

He searched his conscience—what was the right thing to say to make her believe that his love for her was real?

"Is it because of Allen?"

It hit him like a punch on his stomach. Maybe it was because Allen was around, and the thought of losing her to him was unbearable.

"Van—"

"Hitomi, I love you."

It wasn't the expression he was expecting. She looked disappointed. He imagined this moment more spontaneous and romantic. Yes it was spontaneous, but it was far from romantic.

The silence grew heavier. Snow started to fall. The wind started to grow harder.

She shook her head and stood up. "No, you don't." she said. she walked away.

"Hitomi, wait please listen to me." He said as he walked after her, but keeping enough distance between them.

"Listen to what? Am I supposed to believe that after seeing you with that woman? You don't love me. You just want to keep me from Allen."

What he thought to be a normal snowfall turned out to be a blizzard. It's hard to see where they are going since the snow storm is getting stronger. He wanted to hold her hand to keep her close, but physical contact is probably not the smartest thing to do now. But it's getting harder to see through the fog.

When he realized where they were standing, he froze. They were in the middle of a frozen lake—a thin iced lake. "Hitomi! Wait! Don't go there!" he yelled after her.

But it was too late. They heard a loud cracking coming from the ground. And in an instant Hitomi was swallowed by the freezing water below.

It felt like a thousand needles pierced through skin. It was hard to move and it felt like something is pulling her down. Her body went numb and her insides where shaking. As she tried to swim up, she realized that she was already underneath the ice cover of the lake.

She gathered all the strength to open her eyes. She looked up but couldn't see the opening. She can feel the water entering her air passage and her mouth.

She can hear Van's faint voice calling her name. Her consciousness is slowly escaping her—as she looked up, she saw a shadow drawing closer.

There was another cracking sound. She felt a pair of strong hands pull her up. When she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was a white pair of wings. She quickly realized how he saved her. It was painful to cough out the water in her lungs, but breathing in the cold air was much painful. She wondered how Van could act as if being topless in the middle of a blizzard is such a normal thing.

"No—V-Van. N-no one m-must s-see." She said through her chattering teeth.

"Like I have a choice! It was the only way to get you out of there." He said angrily.

They landed where Van left his coat and shirt.

"We have to get you to warmth, quick." He said as he put the coat around her.

The quickest place he could think of is the cabin for the watchmen. He carried her and quickly made his way through the blizzard. It wasn't easy to see where they were going. He wanted to fly, but it's going to be too hard in this storm.

He couldn't be more thankful when they spotted one of the cabins. When they entered he quickly placed her near the fireplace and started the fire. She was still shivering hard.

"You gotta get out of that dress." he said as grabbed the blanket on the corner.

She looked at him with such exasperation.

"You're soaked wet! You're not gonna get warm in that dress, the blankets will be useless." He explained.

Without saying another word, she tried to take off her dress with great difficulty. She was shaking so hard that she couldn't move with ease. Van bent down behind her and tried to help.

"Van, no!" she exclaimed through her hoarse voice and chattering teeth.

Van grabbed a material of her dress when she tried to move away from him. "Hitomi stop being so difficult! I just want to get you warm!"

Hitomi grunted and looked away. It didn't feel like she had much of a choice, she can barely move.

* * *

Van let her keep her undergarments on and wrapped her under three layers of blanket. It wasn't enough. She was still really cold and her insides felt like they were frozen.

Van knew what he had to do, but afraid if he was permitted to do so. He started it slow. He settled himself behind her and tried to get her warm by rubbing his hand against her covered back. it didn't feel like she wanted him to stop.

"Hitomi" he softly called her.

"Just do it Van, please." She begged.

And without another word, he went under the blankets and held her. Hitomi laid her head on his arm. Her cold back was against his warm broad chest. It wasn't the most comfortable position—not after the discussion they just had.

The silence didn't make the situation any better for the both of them, but at least they were keeping each other warm. Van held her freezing hands with his and pulled her closer. Soon, her shivering stopped.

It was hard to read what she was thinking at the moment. She seemed relaxed, but the air is uneasy. Maybe it was the storm outside—maybe it was the storm building between them. She's not pushing him away. She's not tensed either. She's doing better now, that's what matters.

He held her cold fingers in his. He was surprised that she held his back, he thought she was already asleep.

"I forgot how comfortable I am in your arms." She whispered through her hoarse voice.

He said nothing and simply smiled.

"About what you said in the forest—"

"Just rest Hitomi. I don't want you to think about that now."

"How can I stop thinking about it? And as if you can stop me from doing so."

There was another silence between them.

"I've been trying." He finally broke the silence.

She waited for him to say more.

"I've been trying to be the man you deserve. Five years ago, I was a boy who has no sense of direction or will. You saw it."

His hold on her hand tightened. She remained silent, knowing that he has more to say.

"I never said I didn't want to you—I know, somehow I do. Some part of me, always wanted more from you—more than your friendship. But five years ago, I wasn't ready."

"And you are now?" There was something in the way she said it that scared him.

"You think" she continued "that I'll still be here waiting for you after five years?"

He didn't answer, but his silence was a clear answer for her.

"That's a lot to ask."

Though she didn't make a single movement, he felt the need to let go of her. He felt an invisible force pushing him away.

"I never wished for you to wait. All I want is for you to be with a man you deserve—not a boy who makes reckless decision or a man who easily leaves you."

He placed a light kiss on the back of her shoulder.

"You'll see—I am the man you deserve."

* * *

**AN: **well we're a few chapters away from the end of this story. been working on a rated M one- more bloody and graphic story of Escaflowne. i'm very excited about that fic.

thanks for the reviews and alerts!


	11. Just One Kiss

**Chapter 11:**

**Just One Kiss**

_"Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight  
Just a touch of the fire burning so bright  
And I don't want to mess this thing up  
No, I don't want to push this far"  
Lady Antebellum_

It was probably the longest night of his life. It wasn't long after their conversation that she drifted off to dreamland. The morning sunlight didn't brighten up anything either. She was quiet and he ran out of things to say. They silently fixed themselves and agreed to make their way back to the castle.

Not long after they set out, they found a group of castle guards who are looking for them. As soon as they reached the castle, Hitomi asked to rest in her own cabin. Though he preferred for her to rest in the castle instead of being alone, he did not protest.

He was asked not to leave the castle since his temperature spiked up. For two days he did not see her. He had nothing but gist of her condition from his mother. On the third day, he decided to go for a walk. He found himself heading to her cabin. The mere sight of its fences terrified him. He decided he'll visit her tomorrow.

The second attempt was no better. He saw her on her porch, wrapped in a thick blanket, staring at the gray sky. His feet suddenly grew heavy, as if gravity was concentrated on them. He sighed and turned away. But before he could reach for the door of the castle, his brother the king stopped him.

"Still can't face her huh?" he asked. He did not need to hear the answer. He chuckled and gave him a light tap on the shoulder.

"Was it this hard for her the first time? I can't believe we're still friends after what happened five years ago." He shook his head hoping he could shake off the memory out. It was something he knew would hunt him forever.

"Yes. Even worse, you were not talking to her and you were engaged to a princess."

"You're not exactly helping, brother." He cut him off.

Folken laughed. "Don't worry. Both of you were able to overcome the first one, I'm sure you'll find a way for this too."

He was right, he thought. They had worse. Still, as time ticked by, his patience grew short. He couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking, if she was thinking about him too. Does she want to talk? Or maybe the better question is, does she want to see him?

For the rest of the day, he kept himself away from the path leading to her cabin. He decided it's no use to overwork himself over something he couldn't fix now. They were going over the daily reports when his brother told him that the Asturian soldiers are staying until the weather lightens up. That didn't help him to keep his mind off Hitomi.

_Damn it. That Allen is still here? Is he planning to stay here the entire winter? _Knowing that Fanelia has bitter long winters, he anticipated that Allen will not be leaving soon. He just gave a simple nod to his brother and kept his eyes on the parchment. He realized he's been reading the same line over and over again without really understanding what was written.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. _'This will not do. This will not do at all.' _He thought.

* * *

Perhaps tomorrow is too far and too insufferable. Perhaps whatever nonsense he has in his mind can't wait for tomorrow.

'_I'm just this cruel to her' _he thought as he made his way to her cabin. _'Can't you let her rest? Can't you leave her alone?' _he argued to himself. Still none of these words made him stop. _'You really are cruel!'_

He knocked on her door.

'_Really really cruel.'_

She opened the door. Her face was impassive as if she was expecting him. She was wearing a thick maroon dress. She always looks great in red he thought. It makes her eyes look brighter. Wrapped around her shoulders is a black knitted blanket. He noticed her skin is still quite pale and the shadows under her eyes suggest weary nights.

He tried to look impassive as well. "May I come in?" he asked. She simply stepped aside and waited for him to pass.

As soon as he heard the door close he turned to face her. There was a fire at the hearth that lit the room and kept it warm for her. He noticed a cup of tea placed on the top of the table near the couch. Beside it was an open book.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" she asked with a small smile on her face. It made him smile as well.

"It's okay, I'll prepare it myself later."

"Please. I am sick but I can still make tea for the prince."She walked towards the kitchen and prepared filled the kettle with water and tea leaves.

"How—how have you been?" he asked as he watched her from behind.

"Better. A few more days then I'll be able to walk outside." She said without looking astern.

"That's good." He whispered. Drawn to her like a moth to a flame, he reached out to her and cupped her face. "You're still quite warm though." He said.

It felt as if it was the most normal thing to do. He longed for her to be his for a long time. He always has, he thought. The moment she took her hand that afternoon they got lost when they were little, he knew somehow. His heart, his hands, his love was for her, only for her.

She smiled, pressed her face lightly on his hand and turned towards the hearth. The sudden absence of her warmth in his hands brought him back to reality that perhaps she doesn't feel the same—not anymore.

"Hitomi" he said in a hushed voice. She looked back at him with the saddest smile.

"So, what kept you from coming here?" she asked.

"Fear" he simply said.

She took a seat on the couch near the hearth. She had her hands clasped together on her lap. She was looking down on them, as if she had the answer within them. Without any invitation, he pulled a wooden chair from the kitchen and placed it an arm away in front of her. He sat down, clasped his hands together and placed on his lap. He was looking at hands. How he wished he could hold them.

"You've become fearful." She said as she watched the flames dance in the hearth. "Is that one of the traits you've developed as you try to become the man I deserve?"

He chuckled. "I love and fear you at the same time."

It took her by surprise clearly. She looked at him, confusion written on her face. It made him chuckle louder.

Her expression softened. She waited for him to continue.

"You can make me the happiest man in Gaea. You can make me the most restless idiot as well. It's not exactly the clearest feeling. It's like you're my strength and weakness at the same time." He looked away. He had too. It was hard to think of the right words with her eyes staring at his, eagerly waiting for answers. He looked down on his hands and continued.

"You make me want to become a better man. Seeing you gives me strength. And I fear the moment you say goodbye, only the gods know what will become of me."

He suddenly felt cold. The mere idea of her leaving was unbearable.

"But at the same time, I don't want you to feel like a caged bird. Perhaps in the end, all I want is for you to be happy—"

Her warm hands on top of surprised him. "Why are you talking like this?" he looked up and saw her face, confounded. "You talk like I'm about to leave."

He smiled, held her hand in his and pressed it against his lips. He never want to let go of her hand. If only he could hold on to her like this forever.

"Let me kiss you, Hitomi." He noticed her pale face turn into a shade of pink. He can feel her pulse beating fast.

"Just one kiss. Then you can tell me to leave you forever."

He slowly reached for her face and pulled her closer. Slowly, he inched towards her, looking deep into her eyes and waiting for any sign of rejection. He can see that she's panicking a little, but she made no move to push him away. When she closed her eyes, he claimed her lips.

He promised himself to make it a short soft kiss, but perhaps with her, he completely loses himself. He brushed his lips against hers as he pushed away the hair on her face with his fingers. He felt her warm hands pulling him close. When she gently pulled away, he kissed her cheek then her forehead. He leaned his forehead against hers.

He opened his eyes and found hers looking back at his. "Do you love me like I love you?" he asked.

"Yes." She breathed without hesitation.

* * *

**AN **Thank you to those who reviewed, and those who subscribed. They are well appreciated. Sorry for the late update. Been caught up reading the Game of Thrones book series. I also changed my mind about putting lemon in the story. It didn't feel right since i want to make their relationship pure and innocent.


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